Grieving in the Midst of Conflict

Dear Vic,

Why does it feel so hard to grieve you freely, without judgment or interference from others - especially your siblings? Thanh, in particular, has made this unbearable at times. He lashed out at me through text and even on social media, accusing me of things that aren’t true. He claimed I already had your house and car, when in reality, none of that belongs to me - they are part of your estate, set aside in trust for Kenzo until he turns 21.

The cruelty didn’t stop there. Someone accessed your Facebook account, unfriended and blocked me, and even removed my tags from posts I made of you and Kenzo. Those posts were our memories, Vic. Memories of the life we shared, moments that were supposed to be preserved for Kenzo. And the timing - two months after your death - only deepened the hurt.

I’ve had no choice but to reach out for legal advice. This isn’t about clinging to possessions or property. It’s about harassment, defamation, and the interference with your legacy - things that should never have been tainted by bitterness or control.

I told the lawyer everything:

  • How your Facebook account was altered, memories removed, and access cut off.

  • How Thanh sent abusive messages, degrading me with words that cut deeply, right after the Public Trustee contacted him about your belongings.

  • How he even went so far as to defame me publicly on Facebook, spreading lies for others to see.

But the part that aches the most, Vic, is what this means for Kenzo. He is only six years old, still learning how to live in a world without you. The removal of your photos and posts is more than just “digital interference” - it’s stealing a part of his emotional inheritance. Those photos, those words, those memories were proof of how much you loved him. They were threads tying him back to you, and now someone is trying to cut them away.

I’m doing everything I can to protect him - his heart, his memories, his right to know who his father was. I just wish you were here to see how strong he is, and how much he still reaches for you. Even in grief, he carries your love forward.

For me, the hostility of others will come and go. But for Kenzo, what’s being taken are pieces of his story with you. And I will not let anyone erase that.

With love,
— N

Comments

Post a Comment

Thank you for being here.
If something you read reminded you of your own story, or if you just want to say hello — I’d love to hear from you.

Popular posts from this blog

The Gate You Once Walked Through

Image
Dear Vic, “Sau cơn mưa, trời lại sáng” There’s a Vietnamese saying - after the rain, the sky clears. Yesterday’s hailstorm rattled us all. And though the skies turned blue again today, there’s no peace in it. No sense of calm. Just silence. I’m sitting at my desk, looking out at the red archway that leads into the school grounds. And in my mind, I see you - walking through that gate, dropping something off for Kenzo. Just like you used to. Back then, I didn’t realise how much those small gestures meant - the quiet ways you showed up when I asked. I wish I had held onto them more tightly. Now, I can only see you in my mind’s eye… that familiar walk, that brief presence - just a memory now, echoing in the quiet. I wish you could see where Kenzo will one day walk as a high school student - the community he’ll grow up in, the paths he’ll choose. I hope he gets into this school, or somewhere even better. I wish we could’ve shared that pride together - parents side by side, watching hi...
Read more

He Kept Them All

Image
When we visited Vic’s home a few weeks ago, I didn’t expect to find much more than the practical things we’d come for. But then his sister handed me a small bundle of laminated photos — snapshots of us, taken long ago. Some were from 2001. Others from seasons of our youth I barely remembered… but he had. He kept them. All of them. Through the years we were together. Through the years we were apart. Even when we no longer spoke often. Even when life had shifted so far from where it once was. And I’ve been wondering why. Maybe it was love. Maybe it was memory. Maybe it was his way of holding on to a part of his life that still mattered, even when everything around him had changed. People don’t keep things for no reason. Not like that. Not tucked away for decades. Those photos weren’t just old images — they were pieces of our story. Pieces of his story. And perhaps, a quiet way of saying, “This part of my life still meant something.” It made me realise that even if we didn’t end the way I...
Read more

The Things He Didn’t Say

Image
Why is it that the more I go through Vic’s old things, the deeper the grief cuts? The tighter my chest feels. The more I long to see him - to turn back time and tell him that I still care. That I cared deeply. Still do. Yesterday I found one of his old journal entries, probably from around 2022, back when he was living in that rental in Morley. His words were short - scribbled fragments - but they held so much. So much restraint. So much unspoken emotion. The tension was there, written between the lines. The push and pull between wanting to let go and needing to hold on. Some of the notes stopped me in my tracks: “NT fixated on clothes/swap/wash/counts.” “Less annoyed/unsettled. Be stoic.” “NT joined us for swimming lessons Sat.” “Surprised - NT tell me about pending redundancy, then suspicious, heightened awareness of ulterior motive.” “Kenzo went into ED for vomiting x3.” “Pleased that NT included me in birthday invite as agreed.” “Overjoyed - Kenzo saying he wants to stay wit...
Read more