If I Could Turn Back Time

There are days I would give anything to turn back time - to undo the choices that led us to separation, to hold onto Vic a little tighter, to fight a little less, to love a little more. I wonder, if I had known what was coming, would I have tried harder to keep us together? Would we still have drifted apart? These questions circle endlessly, like shadows that never quite fade.

Now, with him gone, the ache of those years feels sharper. It’s as if every argument echoes louder in the silence, every missed chance weighs heavier in my chest. I think about death sometimes - if I left this world, would I find him again? Would our souls meet where life’s divisions no longer matter? Or is that only wishful thinking, a story I tell myself to soothe the ache of missing him?

And then another thought pierces through: would anyone miss me? The answer is both simple and overwhelming. Yes. Kenzo would miss me in ways that words could never measure. He would lose not just a parent, but his anchor, his comfort, his safe place. He has already lost his father - losing me too would be more than a heartbreak; it would be a breaking of his whole world.

So I stay. I breathe. I carry the regret and the love side by side. I may not be able to turn back time, but I can choose what I do with the time I have left. I can love Kenzo fiercely. I can honor Vic by holding onto the best parts of him, by keeping his memory alive in our everyday moments.

Grief may never fully leave me, but neither will love. And maybe that’s the truest way forward - not by erasing the past, but by letting it remind me of what still matters here, now.